A couple weeks ago I flew to Brazil via Lisbon, Portugal from Heathrow. I was with a Brazilian friend.

The security at Heathrow wasn’t as painful as I was expecting. On previous occasions, especially when flying to the USA, getting through security was a real hassle. It is still strict and should be but some rules have been relaxed. However…..

All passengers are forced to throw away liquids over 100ml even juice and water that is obviously juice and water! But no problem you can buy some more at inflated prices airside. If you forget those nail scissors, nail files, tiny pen knives or screwdrivers in your pockets or hand bag they are confiscated as well.

Recently reported on national TV and in newspapers was the incredible story that a passenger was threatened with arrest for wearing a T-shirt with a cartoon gun printed on it! He was forced to change the offending apparel. More on this story here.

So just what has been relaxed at Heathrow? It is no longer a requirement to remove laptop computers from bags, and shoes but not boots can be left firmly on your feet.

Once through to airside we headed for ‘Duty Free’ that is not really ‘duty free’ because frequently, goods in ‘Duty Free’ are more expensive than buying on-line at home and even in some high street shops. Do your homework in advance of travelling and don’t forget to put anything over 100ml into the baggage you are not taking on board. I hope I remember to take my own advice next time.

So with our gifts from ‘Duty Free’ we boarded the plane for the first leg of our journey. Two and a half hours later we landed at the Lisbon International airport.

I have never quite worked out why having just disembarked from an international airliner you then have to go through another security check before boarding another international flight. Where is the logic?

You go through security at your first airport. You are then on the secure side of the gates. You board an aircraft and get off on the secure side of the terminal at the transfer airport. You are then going to board another aircraft for the next part of your journey. At no time in this scenario have you had contact with the ‘outside’ world in order to pick up bombs or drugs.

Transferring passengers are within the secure area so why can’t they continue their journey without any aggravation.

Even so we thought as we were just transferring to another International flight the security would be relatively problem-free.

Dream on!

The Muppets were on duty at Lisbon. Incompetence and panic is an understatement. First Muppet No. 1 tried to steal our ‘duty free’ items claiming they breached the 100ml rule. My friend, whose native tongue is Portuguese, remonstrated with him but he persisted so she demanded to see his manager.

The conveyor was stopped and her trays put aside except for her laptop computer which had entered the X-ray machine. In order to see his manager she was led by Muppet No.1 through the metal detector without first removing anything from her person that would trigger the alarm. The alarm of course was triggered and she was subjected to a body search.

Meanwhile I was waiting, not sure what was going to happen next. Another immigration officer took over from Muppet No. 1 and I was told to proceed. My laptop computer followed my friend’s through the X-ray machine and suddenly Muppet No 2, the man viewing the scans, stopped the scanner shouting “dois computadors” (two computers). My friend returned with our ‘duty free’ Muppet No. 1 having put right by has manager. She then informed Muppet No. 2 that one of the “dois computadors” was hers and also managed to retrieve her other things that had been separated.

So “dois computadors” is another reason for travellers to be treated as terrorists. Thank goodness I wasn’t wearing a T-shirt with a cartoon gun printed on it!

Now let me re-cap. A nail file and its ilk are terrorist’s weapons and are confiscated, liquids over 100ml are also even sometimes when bought in ‘Duty Free’, “dois computadors” are definitely a plot to airport security not to mention cartoon guns.

Is that clear?

So why are passengers given metal cutlery with their in-flight meals?

Inflight Weapons - Metal knife, fork & spoon

Definition: BOLLOCKS is an expletive used in the United Kingdom meaning testicles. This has now been extended to refer to bureaucracy, unnecessary or excessive rules, and stupid edicts or simply to something that has been said that’s not true etc. And being given weapons with your in-flight meals!

Useful links:

http://tinyurl.com/4elx5o

http://tinyurl.com/4d9wdy

The main theme of this blog is the human, our human rights, exposing rip-offs and bureaucratic nonsense, but sometimes the animal kingdom deserves a mention. Here is something to both applaud and be horrified about.

TAIJI, Japan (3 Apr 2008)

For the first time ever, graphic feature-length footage of the annual slaughter of some 2,500 dolphins in Taiji, Wakayama Prefecture, has been captured during a unique yearlong covert operation.

The secret filming by members of the U.S. conservation group Oceanic Preservation Society (OPS) is being turned into a major documentary feature film destined for worldwide release this summer (although distribution in Japan is at present not certain).

Click here for the OPS site

I am now in Brazil so I can start posting to this blog again. There was a monumental amount of bureaucratic things to do in preparation for relocating here. There is still much more to do to establish myself but this is a beautiful Country and well worth all the work.

Two weeks ago I retired from London Underground and I had already bought my ticket. My documents had to be verified by the Brazilian consulate in London. The verified documents then had to be translated to Portuguese. I also had to obtain a translation of my driving license. For these reasons my blog postings had to wait.

Soon I will be reporting on how the supermarkets, Asda, Tesco and possibly others, are ripping us off by illegally advertising promotions and then charging the full price at the tills. I am well placed to add the second part of my Brazil article and there some political and policing issues I want explore.

There will still plenty of UK issues to write about and I will not be forgetting my mother country. In fact I will be back to the UK again this year to finalise things in London.