On short haul flights of one or two hours it is possibly acceptable and bearable to increase seating to a level where passenger require lubrication to slip into their seats. (Actually it’s not but for the purposes of this article I’ll give the short haul airlines a little slack.)

Long haul flights are a different matter. To get to distant lands on holiday or business we have no other choice as distance and time are against travelling by bus, train or ship.

I flew British Airways to Brazil recently, my tenth visit and the first time with BA. Now I haven’t had time to research this but I am sure the space between seats was less than other airlines I had flown with. Having visited Brazil three times this year it’s not like my memory has faded too much but when I get the chance I will check the facts.

On the Jumbo Jet I was on there were ten seats to a row with two aisles. The configuration was 3-4-3. I was on the right side of the cabin sitting on the middle seat of three. When eating I had to tuck my elbows under my armpits to avoid poking my immediate neighbours in the ribs.

The young Spanish woman sitting aisle side of me commented that we were like “fishes going to market”. Obviously the Spanish equivalent to “packed in like sardines” or “like cattle to market” except that cattle have more rights in law and more space as a result.

The way economy passengers are shoe-horned into aircraft should be illegal. It is uncomfortable and it is dangerous.

Legal note: The legal status of cattle (and sheep) I mention is certainly law in England and Wales and probably Scotland and Northern Ireland. The rest of Europe may have similar laws but I need to check this and will add this article later.

Airport security is one of my pet hates and I do anything to avoid flying. Travelling by Ferry to Continental Europe has always proved to be less hassle and more relaxing. Even Eurostar and the UK Government have managed to make travelling by train via the Chunnel almost as bad as flying.

Long haul flights are different there is no viable alternative. Terminal 5 at Heathrow is better than most and when I passed through on a Sunday evening recently there were surprisingly few passengers and check-in was very quick. Maybe people are being dispatched quicker so it seemed like less passengers because the Jumbo Jet I travelled on was full and it wasn’t the only flight that evening.

Possibly it was the appearance of fewer people that made it seem as if passing through security would be a bit smoother than my normal experience but that feeling didn’t last. Things went wrong in the relatively small area where the storm troopers oops immigration officials congregate with their scanning machines and petty rules.

The scanner that scans personal belongings is very modern and all silver and shiny. Everything must be put into grey plastic trays; electronic equipment, hand baggage, jacket, belt, coins and shoes. But there is no place to fill these trays other than on the moving conveyor belt. So you are temporarily parted from valuable electronic devices and any other treasures you may have in your bags while you remove your belt, shoes and anything else you may be required to surrender.

The result is that as other passengers do the same your trays become mixed going through the scanner. You then pass through the metal detector contraption and hope your gold teeth or the high iron content of your blood doesn’t set off the alarm.

I passed through without incident and started taking my things, the trays still moving towards the end of the conveyor where the empty ones disappear below and return to the start. They do stop if they contain anything but you don´t know this when youfirst use them.

Unfortunately an inconsiderate passenger left a pile of luggage on the floor in front of the conveyor preventing easy access to trays so I took my last tray off the belt and started to retrieve my smaller belongings such as my cash, mobile phone etc. Suddenly I heard a voice from behind telling me to put the tray back on the conveyor belt and as he obviously thought I wasn’t capable of completing such a simple task used his hand to give it a shove. The tray then shot off towards the hole at the end and I grabbed what I thought was my last item.

Did he tell the inconsiderate passenger to move his unattended baggage? NO! Did he stop to be spoken to or even help? NO! He just turned on his heels and swaggered away. What is it about some working-class people in uniform with a badge?

Did I take everything out of my last tray? No, I left my keys in the tray, house keys and luggage keys. I didn’t see them as the tray sped away. So now not only did I have to break into and ruin one of my bags but I have a problem, when I return to England, getting into my home.

The frightening thing is that had I challenged the ignorant bastard and expressed my concerns even without using such colourful language I would almost certainly been arrested under the anti-terror laws. And if I did the same in the United States I would be wearing one of those brightly coloured jumpsuits.

And orange doesn’t suit me!

For the definition of bollocks see “Airport Security What A Load Of Bollocks!”

By Dave Knight

Is it little wonder there is fighting throughout the world? Here we witness the clergy of two opposing and yet Christian denominations brawling inside a church in the ‘Holy City of Jerusalem’. It’s nothing new of course in both World Wars it was largely Christian against Christian. The Northern Ireland conflict was between two equally ‘righteous’ Christian groups.

The Muslims are no different. It is a daily occurrence for men, women and children to be blown to bits by bombs planted or worn by ‘martyrs’ from one religious sect or another in Iraq and Afghanistan.

I am often being advised by religious people that I ’should’ believe in God. Well, I tell you what, when you lot start to live the life your various Holy Books say you should I promise I’ll listen.

I think I am safe in saying that ‘Hell will freeze over’ first. Therefore, I’ll remain an Atheist for the foreseeable future.

By Dave Knight

I recently wrote to David Miliband the UK Foreign Secretary. To date I have not received a reply. Here is the first part of the body of the letter (with a few grammatical corrections):

A Government that that does not protect it’s citizens from governments that ignore the Universal Declaration of Human Rights is guilty of the same offence.

Guantanamo is a concentration camp. I was born at the end 1944 into a world at war and as I learned of the atrocities of the Nazis and their camps I thought (hoped) such terrible things would never be repeated.

Sixty three years later concentration camps are still in operation all over the world along with the use of torture. Unbelievably the UK Government is party to the excesses of ‘friendly’ governments including the United States of America.

This disgusts me as a UK citizen and I implore you to influence the UK Government to do a significant u-turn and take Great Britain back to a path of Justice.

A good place to start Mr Miliband is considering the plight of Binyam Mohamed who is in the Guantanamo concentration camp.

Then I quoted word-for-word a text suggested by Amnesty International because I couldn’t write it better.

Binyam Mohamed, a British resident of Ethiopian origin who is currently detained in Camp 5 of Guantanamo Bay. Binyam’s lawyer has expressed serious concern that he is in at risk of complete mental and physical collapse.

Lieutenant Colonel Yvonne Bradley has stated that during her recent visit to Guantanamo Bay she found Binyam to be thin, fragile and weak. He has expressed suicidal thoughts to her and is eating little or nothing. He informed his lawyer that he was eating tiny amounts in order to avoid forced tube feeding and therefore being denied his legal visits.

Lieutenant Colonel Bradley has requested that the authorities move Binyam out of Camp 5, maximum security and into Camp Echo, she is of the view that this will lessen the very serious risk of a suicide attempt. The authorities have refused this request.

I urge you to make representations to the US authorities to transfer Binyam from Camp 5 and to continue to make representations for his release from Guantanamo Bay and his return to the UK.

Sincerely,
David Knight